In our practice, we talk a lot about setting healthy boundaries. But how do you actually do that? 

One of the biggest mistakes we see people making is expecting the other person to change their behavior if you simply tell them what your boundaries are. 

But it simply doesn’t work that way.

When we expect somebody else to change our behavior, it only leads to frustration and disappointment. 

Boundaries are about how we respond to what is within our limits of what’s acceptable…

…which means changing our own behavior and then implementing consequences when things are beyond our limits of what’s acceptable.

This starts by first identifying what your boundaries are. 

Once you have a good idea of what is and is not okay with you, then you can figure out effective and healthy ways to set those boundaries. 

Doing so gives you a sense of agency in the situation. 

It takes practice. And time. And it’s not always easy nor comfortable. 

If you want to learn more about how to effectively set healthy boundaries, it’s a good idea to work with a therapist.

(We do provide therapy online in California, schedule a free call to learn more.) 

But just remember this: boundaries are about how you respond, not expecting the other person to change.